You've reached Castle Pines.
The most exclusive club in golf. You are not a member. You will never be a member. Allow us to walk you, at great length, through exactly why.
* Not that one. The lawyers insisted we mention that.
Tiers of belonging you can't afford.
Dues are payable annually in cash, deference, and things you'll regret. All sales final. All members miserable.
The Provisional
$185,000
Initiation
- A locker you may look at
- Permission to be ignored in the grill room
- One (1) nod from a real member, annually
The Equity
$1,000,000
+ your wife's respect
- Voting rights you will never use
- A bag tag that says you matter
- The right to complain about the new members
The Founder's Circle
Your soul
Non-refundable
- A portrait in a hallway no one visits
- First name basis with a man who hates you
- Buried on the 18th (additional fee)
The Rules of Castle Pines.
Go on. We insist.
Submit your application to the committee. They've been expecting your disappointment.
The Membership
Dues are payable annually in cash, deference, and your wife's respect. Initiation: one year's salary and a personality transplant. Applications are reviewed by men who will never like you.
Or — and this is the smart play — buy the hat the members are too scared to wear.
Two robins instead of two hummingbirds. Old money manners, new money mouth, and a gate that opens for anyone with a sense of humor.
A work of satire and parody. Hooker Links is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by any real golf club, including Castle Pines Golf Club. No real club marks are used. Any resemblance is comedic commentary on the institution of gatekept elite golf. The robins are fictional and extremely well-dressed.